Suspected of wrong-doing

We Americans are a suspicious bunch, in more than one way. We're suspicious of what other people do and think and get away with. And we're also suspicious that people harbor unfair thoughts about us, either because we're part of a group or just as an individual.

I'm going to focus on the feeling that you are a target of unfair suspicion, such as:

• suspected of being criminal
• suspected of being inferior
• suspected of being racist
• suspected of being elitist
• suspected of being parasitic
• suspected of wanting to impose cultural practices or religious beliefs upon others
• suspected of ripping others off
• suspected of manipulating the system to avoid struggles regular people have to grapple with

I hope we can have empathy with people who feel that they are being treated unfairly. It's a burden to have to fight people's negative expectations of you during long portions of the day, like when you're at work, taking public roads or transportation, in public places, or in commercial places. That's one reason that prejudice is so destructive--it's insidious and wears away your sense of belonging.

So imagine you are suspected, or even publicly accused, of any of the things from the list. A normal reaction could include righteous anger.

• So Trayvon Martin was angry that Zimmerman was following him due to suspicions, either spoken or unspoken.
• So blacks are angry at Derbyshire and those who call themselves 'racial realists' and want to discuss whether blacks are cognitively inferior.
• So Tea partiers are angry about being called racist.
• So the working poor are angry at conservatives who blast those who don't pay income tax. (I don't actually know any worker who is angry about this--they are too busy trying to get by.)

Enough, you get my drift. Let's not throw accusations around. Before you accuse or seriously suspect someone:

1. Collect some solid evidence. 
2. Collect a little more evidence. 
3. Ask in as non-confrontational way as possible.
4. Listen to the answer.

That's a lot of steps, but maybe that's what it takes to defuse our suspicions about each other. I haven't always done it, but I hope I'll remember in the future. Maybe this advice will help me with my own hair-trigger reactions. (Yes, I'm guilty, and I have plenty of company.)

Until then, let's assume the guy walking down the street is fine, the political speaker wants to improve the town, city, state, or country, and the guy drinking a Starbucks latte isn't passing a judgment on you.

Image: www.flickr.com/photos/grahamthomasianmcqueen

"In this dirty minded world you are either somebody’s wife or somebody’s whore—or fast on your way to becoming one or the other. I wanted a job and I wanted to live alone. That made me a sexual suspect." -- The World According to Garp

Extra: Perhaps I'm wrong, but I anticipate this kind of question: "Should bigots be given the benefit of the doubt?" No, but people should be. Don't assume someone's a bigot. Go through the steps (evidence, more evidence, ask, listen).

There is a huge problem of cross-suspicions. I suspect you're a racist. You resent that I suspect you're a racist (not a surprising resentment). You suspect me of being a socialist or a traitor. I resent that you think I'm an unpatriotic American. See, the suspicions are insidious and growing.

The Good, the Bad, and the Redemptive

Today I feel surrounded by death. There was another shooting, this time at a Cracker Barrel restaurant in Ohio. On the local news, there was a story about a New Hampshire police chief shot and killed during a drug raid. Four other police officers were also shot.

In the Trayvon Martin case yesterday, Trayvon's mother said that she thought the shooting was an accident, and Zimmerman needs to own up to that and apologize. That huge step in forgiveness and shared humanity was retracted later that day. Does anyone doubt a lawyer was involved in the retraction?

In the meantime, Zimmerman's new lawyer has a sense of the gravity of the case. The new lawyer is not pushing for bail immediately because he understands that Zimmerman needs to spend sometime in jail to assuage the local (or national?) sense that he's not paying any price. The lawyer is also not immediately asking for immunity for his client based on Florida's "Stand your ground" law.

We are better people when we don't grandstand on our rights, as though we (the small we) are the only ones who matter or who know what is correct. We are better people when we humbly acknowledge that we can make mistakes, sometimes horrible ones.

So, today, this story of Corey Booker, the mayor of Newark, New Jersey, floored me. I'm already in an emotional state, and I watched this video where he discusses how he and a detective ran into a neighbor's house, engulfed in fire, and Booker ran though the burning kitchen to save a woman sleeping in the back of the apartment. He carried her back through the flames and outside. She is alive, as is he, the detective, and the other residents.

I'm reminded of the fire fighters on 9/11, who entered the burning towers and were marching up the stairs to try to save those in the upper floors. People can be so fine and heroic. I hope I can do something today and something in my life that is as selfless as these people have done. Wish me luck.

People saving a motorcyclist from a fiery accident

 Photo credit: msnbc.msn.com

Practical note: You should have a fire extinguisher and you should know exactly where it is. This knowledge prevented my neighbor's stove fire from getting out of hand. She didn't know where her fire extinguisher was, but we did. Today, my family gets a quiz on where the extinguishers are. The only acceptable score on the quiz is 100%.